Unconscious Tirade

In complete seriousness I seek my unvarnished self,
Amusing myself in my Genesis surrounded by my seven deadly sins,
Consumed by my own chaos and grief,
I let my parasitic thoughts slowly devour me,
And levitate in the amalgamation of my past and of my present,  replicating and revising my ever ending transgressions.
I wander around with my scared body,
with flowers blossoming, in the colors of Greys and reds,
My bones rotten and decayed stroll through the gates of time, strangled in barbs of steel,
Cold blood gushing through my veins,
dead pulse throbbing through my brain,
leaving me for the undead.

Soaked and drenched in pools of mystery,
I swim through these unknown lands,
Awaiting by the side of my hazy being lies merry death,
Shrouded in utter darkness,
observeing and grimly celebrating.
My thought full of unending imagery,  stagnant and poisoned, rendering me helpless and blank,
I drag my heavy bones,
of dust and of clay,
through this unhallowed graveyard,
reeking of death and misery,
living my overwhelming insecurities.
With every breath being my last I lie here in my mortal prison waiting to break free!

I flow in the river of tears,
I shower fire through depressing clouds,
I wail alongside the mighty autumn breeze,
I melt into the icy snow blizzard drowning the world;plunging it into coldness.

I bleed through the stones of hatred flooding the bowls of humanity,
I hang through the threads of hostility woven by cruelty,
I see the monsters shed their skins of extreme kindness to animosity,
Like the rushing venom of old age,flowing through, bringing a sense of inevitable frailty.

I nose dive into the senselessness of this bittersweet world, shattering my sense of Justice,
The drought of a teary eye in the like of wealth,
The unheard summons of a mortal and the deafness of  fictional Gods.
I am the vacuum in the vastness of the universe,
I am the void of the sun,
I am the light that never meets the eye,
I am the water Frozen on  mountaintops,
I am the beginning I am the end, I am everything!

Glimmer

She rambles over in my flowery thoughts, Complementing my journey of rediscovery,
She remains adamant, much like the rocks  facing the turbulent waves of life,
She gently covers me with her invisible aura of kindness and love, Eroding my stone carved heart,molding it back to flesh and blood.
She reaches the depths of the unending well, trying to slowly fetch from it personalities unattended.
She enjoys the multicolored scenery of her  magical, mysterious world.

A tragic romance

I believe, to be tranced by love is a bittersweet ecstasy, a double-edged sword piercing through the brain’s rationality.
To be charmed by a woman’s love was the least I expected to be,
To sink in her kindness and to drink from within her cup of innocence was the last thought on my mind.
She shone bright like the sun lighting up the dark side of the world,
She brought with her the gifts of love and wisdom, as she blessed me with her fragile heart, completing mine, the one with the missing pieces.
Her smile with a certain kind of warmth,melted my icy heart to a pool of sweet fresh water.
Her being was the embodiment of nectar itself, pure as the golden tint of honey.
Her body and soul let me dine with her, me a monster within,
Taming me and reinforcing the seal of a new beginning.
She made a man out of me, a man I never knew of,
She shed light over me like isthar bringing along love and war,
She never ceased to pursue my life of darkness, believing I would once again be the light.
She indeed was a piece of heaven and water to my fire,
She did everything in her might and she became my everything.
She still resides in the small corner of my heart, a pouch of good and bad memories.
I became the Icarus of our life taking freedom very lightly,
Breaking two souls
Out of guilt and out of conscience, I left her to rot, leaving a woman with a broken heart, to defend her sanity alone.
I soon turned into the prodigal son but with an interesting twist and a sin to atone.
Learned my lesson but never forced myself to go home, for my return would only bring havoc and mahem,
For I am an incomplete man and someone who can never feel whole.
For in order to love , one must love oneself.

Reverse personality

I see myself in the mirror of truth,
and I find a monster and a killer.
I see the fountain of youth flow with blood,
of the countless versions of me.
I ooze out from within me,
gooey darkness when I exist in the world of the living,
as I gaze around in my life,
full of sorrowful mines,
I get blown into a million pieces of hatred.

In the far distance of my infinite selves,
I see only one thing in common.
My clay moulded body slowly falling apart through the heat of life,
A fish deprived of water, frying in the pan of time, wiggling with violent strokes of death, clutching it’s last breath of life.

I wait into my marble sized world,
in universal loneliness, as my thoughts be my romantic company.
I see through the eagle’s eye,
into the  vastness of my hollow soul,
corrupting my present and the ending.
I roar a loud cry of momentary happiness in my solemn gloom!

I turn the gears of my story,
leaving not a single branch of reality,
as I recite this everyday tale of my abhorred mental personality.

Routine

At the end of the day with my shoulders heavy,
weighed down by the struggles of  life,
I look at my inviting bed, pulling me towards itself with the most powerful of all magnetic attractions.
I remove the unending masks of numerous emotions and shed my many faces and hang them with the shades of my radical personalities, in the closet of my secrets.
I gently massage my gloomy, aged face with sadness that makes me appear ninety five. Blankness being my only expression,wrinkled with scars of depressions,
I finally lay my limp body on my grave of wood and cotton.
I rest my heavy head on the pillow with all my over thinking and deciveing,
I cry a silent cry and murmur a small invite to the eternal night.
I slowly drift into a slumber,
wishing that the lights go out,
and the world wakes up to an individual like me, gone.
I wish to shed this pile of meat,
and finally be set free.

Lonely wanderer

What became of thee, The child of mother Earth,
What has happen to thee?
Why does thy cut down thy own roots from the tree of life,
Thou runs in circles of hatred and sorrow and melancholy,
Thy has been eroded by waves of ageing and despair,
Thy lungs suffocating thee with gloomy clouds of memories,
Thou searches for sweet water in thy barren life,
Yet thy forgets that the elixir of life is obtained by the pumping of thy own heart,
Thy heart that fortified its self,
making it a heart of stone,
a piece of rock carved out from life’s tragedies.

What become of thee, lonely wanderer,
Oh! How does thou wander without knowing who thy is,
How does thy journey fair, in the search of eternal peace,
A journey of learning from the teachings of life.
Thou struggles with thy inner demons,
as they slowly and steadily try to exorcise these million personalities.
Thou keeps your nocturnal eyes unbolted staring fiercely into nothingness.

Thou laments over the loss of family and friends and yet thou keeps walking on shards of ember burning hot and consuming thy souls essence.
Blinded by the mist of society thy walks into a slaughter house,
Thou are just a wanderer, a piece of flesh and dust held together with the elixir of life, your conscience flowing through, merging with the universe,
As thy waits in tranquility to be spirited away.

The dungeon door

I cross to the other side of my mirror baffled by horror and slavery,
Meeting my other self The infant living in the ugliness of an unloving mother,
A boy rejected of appreciation from his hideous company,
A man deprived of affection and felicitated with false love,
Behind the doors of this dungeon walls I lay, in a trance of explicit emotions
The weakest link of the love chain,
Like oil in water and lines ever parallel.
I run around in circles of life trying to chase my beloveds.
I, the frog of the well ever stuck in this deep well, gazing at the unreachable sky,
Stretching my arms in attempt to grab something or anything but Alas! only greeted by the emptiness of thin air.
The shattering layers of my heart remain unattainable, scattered in the depths of my unconscious waiting to be found.

Mirror duplicate

I met a girl once, someone as crazy as me.
Who had a prison and she also wanted to break free just as me.
A girl with a void for a soul,
she tried to absorb the cosmos of knowledge itself, but the soul was still nowhere to be found.
Like her very curly black locks her tangled life interlocked in sadness and misery,
Her eyes reflecting in mine a universe of unfamiliarity,
The bond of our celestial sibling similarity!

A cry

I indulge in the everyday activity of intoxicating with my guilty conscience,
I visit the same man who deals in the supply of addictive nicotine,
That same place which reminds me of you and the bitter truth of your entering eternal sleep.
It’s been two years now that I’ve not heard your voice and your face seems hazy and your voice non-existent.
Things have drastically changed since the last time we met-your stiff and cold prison peacefully lying in a box of cheap wood,
The last suit you ever wore, that was the day I realized your permanent disappearance.
After your sudden summons to the heavenly realm I fell in a sudden pitch of darkness where everything was colored in shades of grey,
a place where I could not set myself free from the grief and misery of my being,
a purgatory of my own creation where the cycle of seasons had ceased to exist,
Soon I realized I’d lost a brother, a friend, a father like figure, a part of me.
The woman whom you resided in for 9 months tried to be strong but how could I, one from the same woman, not see it.
Her strong denial of losing her flesh was very strong indeed, but I saw the gloom and loneliness our mother would feel.
Her tears dried the day she received the news about your untimely end.
My tears were bottled up in a empty vessel with no leaks for the saline drops to flow freely.
After the unfathomable event I fell in love twice more-
with a woman who always consoled me with empty words and ended up abandoning me.
I fell for a woman once more- this time I’ve someone to share my troubles with
And yet you are not here to see me find a new me where the shades of grey finally change into the primary colors of red, blue, and green.
To see me paint scenarios that are unordinary and to capture the spectrum of colours in a dreamy harmony.
You failed to witness my talent in writing things and thinking of complex ways of living.
I hope I could find a way to get you to know all that has been going on recently where you smile at me and tell me-don’t worry things are meant to be!
A yearning of meeting you and to indulge in the intoxication of smoking, drinking and music,
a story where I never learn things from you anymore.
The world is shallow for a younger sibling and his impossible dream to see his elder brother.

Descend down a gloomy path

A walk in the blizzard,
cold blistered feet,
The walk of shame ,
parched lips begging for mercy,
Spiteful eyes glaring,
ripping your conscience- piece by piece
A colossal betrayal!
Boundless deceptions,
A void in my chest where a heart once used to be,
A world of flaws created by me,
A leap into the bottomless pit of self-hate and self-doubt
Chains of memories binding me,
A life lived in mirrors.
The rules of time defying me halting while pain takes over me completely,
My isolation caressing me,
The blood clotted knuckles radiating a beautiful mixture of red, black and blue.
The ancient scars throbbing with excitement at the mere sight of me in melancholy.